Archive for April, 2009

How to guarantee you will get bad service over the phone

Here are a few tips on how to guarantee you will get bad service over the phone.

1. When you call, make sure you are doing something else at the same time and then ask the person you just called to hold on so you can finish whatever it is you were doing.
2. Be really vague on what it is you really want or what problem you are having. Get mad when the person’s psychic powers don’ t activate and figure it out so you don’t have to explain.
3.  Demand that someone needs to come out immediately, but that you don’t want to pay extra for it, and that the price is inflated to begin with.
4. Yell very loudly into the phone. Don’t listen to what the person on the end of the line is saying. Actually, pretend they aren’t a real person. That should make it easier to scream at them.  Fake people don’t deserve respect!
5. Whine about your problems which have nothing to do with the service you are requesting, and are often very disturbing . Like how “I have to go to the doctor and then the pharmacy but every time I go to the pharmacy I have to wait for so long JUST TO TALK TO SOMEONE because they are just so understaffed! And then there is the issue of my colonoscopy … have you had one? Well let me tell you something about colonoscopies. They aren’t a walk in the park nosireebob! You see…”
6. Use curse words. The more like a sailor, the better.
7. Insinuate the person you are talking to is stupid.  Or incompetent.  Or moronic. Or dumber than a box of rocks. Or whatever your choice insult may be.
8. Even though your wife makes all the decisions and knows what is going on with your schedule, make sure you call and then have her scream instructions in the background. Make sure she does this while the person on the line is asking questions so that you become confused and unable to answer either one. “FRANK I SAID FRIDAY! NOT THURSDAY! THURSDAY IS THE DAY I GO TO THE PHARMACY!”
9. Call 4 months after the service was performed and demand that someone come out free of charge. Make sure you mention that “well, actually it hasn’t worked since he was out here, but you know what? Life has been crazy lately! You try having your mother move in with you!” See how I worked a number 5 in there? Smooth.

Hope that helps you in your quest for bad service!

Customer Service Expert

Why I am blogging!

So, here is my blog. I’m hoping some of my family check this out so I’ll start with the basics.

1. This is a blog.  Basically a log of what I have to say on the web. Web-log. Blog. Get it?

2. Check back all the time. New things I write will be at the top of the page. I’ll try to update once a day, but it will probably be more like 2-5 times a week (just being honest). So bookmark me/add me to your rss feed reader if you are tech savvy.

3. I’m not writing this just because I’m just SO interesting that I need to share it with the world, but also so my friends and family can keep up with me and my goings-ons.  I also want to start participating in an online community that I have only been observing for a long time (all blogs in general).

About me/disclaimers/warnings, depending how you look at it.

1. I’m Princess Magpie, aka: P.Magpie. I’m 27 and live in the NW Suburbs of Chicago. I live with my boyfriend of 4.5 years. We have 4 cats.

2. We are not getting married anytime soon.

3. We both have piercings. Aaron has his lip and ears peirced. I have my ears, cartilage, lip, and septum pierced (YES like a bull).

4. Neither of us has tattoos. We can’t commit.

5. Aaron has virtually no presence on the internet. He has facebook, myspace, and twitter but rarely checks any of them.

6. I have a myspace, facebook, and twitter. I check them obsessively.

7. Our house is messy. A lot. Sorry mom, but it only looks nice because we pick up right before you come over. NOTE: Messy does not equal DIRTY. Eeew. We aren’t dirty.

8. I’m hoping to post my day-to-day happenings, thoughts on life, pictures from things we have done, and also recipes! I really do love to cook!

9. Yes, we party. Yes, we have a large assorted variety of friends. Yes, we do a lot of not normal things. Yes, we are wierd.  If you are family and reading this, too bad. YOU HAVE TO LOVE ME HAHAHAHA!


Okay, well thats a rough overview of me and my disclaimers to family.

-P. Magpie
Blogger Maven

Hello blog-o-shpere!

Well here is the first post on my new PERSONAL blog. Oooooh! Peeerrrsooonaalll!… AHEM…

More to come soon.

-P. Magpie