Archive for the ‘Tips on Life’ Category

8 years ago.

Today is the eight anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks.  I look back and remember a terrible dark time. Not only for our country, but for myself as well.

This morning on WGN they replayed audio from that morning.  Starting from the initial reports of a  plane crash  into  one of the towers. Ending with the moment when we all realized it wasn’t an accident.  It was painful to listen to again, I started tearing up.  It emotionally impacted me.

I remember when it happened it seemed so unreal. I was driving to the community college I was attending at the time. I listened on the radio as the first tower fell. Then the second.

The strange thing was I remember having a  hard time feeling strongly about it. Let me be clear, I thought it was horrible. Terrible. I couldn’t believe something like that could ever happen here. The same thing everyone else thought. But emotionally I felt detached. I just couldn’t seem to connect with the pain of it, like I did today. I never cried. I never teared up. I tried, but I couldn’t.

I think at the time I had an eternal war going on. There was so much unreal pain in my life. External pain was incomprehensible. It felt even more unreal. For starters, I had lost a best friend to a sudden car crash 4 months before. That still seemed unreal,  on a daily basis. I was still at the point where I would “see” her everywhere, still not accepting the truth completely.

Secondly, and most importantly, I was 2 years into a very terrible relationship. A verbally abusive and controlling relationship. Every day was tainted by some sort of terrible experience. By that point I wasn’t allowed to have my own feelings. My feelings didn’t matter, didn’t count. I was convinced all my feelings were wrong. I doubted everything about myself. I was told I was dumb, fat, a whore, a bitch, lazy, stupid, worthless, ugly, and things worse than that. And the sad part is that I believed every word. Because since he loved me, he wouldn’t say those things if there wasn’t at least an ounce of truth to them, right? I was letting him define my reality.

He didn’t love me, but he needed me.  I mistook that for love. And you help the ones you love, right? But it was more than that. He needed me to fix his problems. To give him money or bail him out or handle things  or problem solve his life.  The biggest problem was he never helped me back. It was all my responsibility.  I know now that he probably hated and doubted himself so much that the thought of existing without me helping him was worse that having to treat me like shit to keep me doubting myself.  So I wouldn’t leave. And I know he desperately wanted me to stay.  During the handful of times I broke up with him, he would literally cry and sob and throw himself on the floor. Those of you that knew him probably find it hard to believe. Not many people knew that’s what he was really like. Unsure, desperate, and filled with self-hate.

It’s really sad,  sometimes I wish I had been smart enough and ended the relationship early on and encouraged him to get therapy. Because he did and probably (I’m assuming) still does need help. No one deserves to hate themselves that much.

It took me 4 and a half years to end it. And honestly, the fact that he moved two states away to be with family (with the promise  he would come back to me) was the only reason it ended so quickly. I was finally able to breath, to learn to trust my feelings. I found this book, which explained everything to me. I began to realize the truth, and I ended it.

It has taken years to heal. I still don’t feel 100% sometimes.  But it has taught me a lot. I’ve learned so much about people who feel the need to control.  I can spot this type of behaviour from a mile away.  But I also have compassion for it. I’ve moved beyond vilifying people like this. They operate from a place of  self-hate and avoidance of feelings.

My life is so different today, 8 years later. I am happy and content and have someone in my life that loves and respects me.  I have set boundaries and will speak up if they are crossed by anyone.  I promise you , it is possible to have the life you want, no matter where you are starting from.

Please say a prayer for those who lost loved ones 8 years ago. Say a prayer for those that risk their lives everyday trying to save ours. Thank your firepeople, policepeople, and soldiers.

And if you feel like you might be in a verbally abusive relationship (romantic or otherwise) please read “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” by Patricia Evans. This book changed my life.

Or for online support please check out

Please be aware, a lot of people involved in verbally abusive relationships are codependent. Read this list, and ask, does this apply to me?


P. Magpie


Why Is It So Important to Be Perfect?

(I wrote this a few months ago for another blog I have that I don’t keep up with anymore. I like it though so I’m re-posting it here.)

Why is your happiness based on perfection? What is the point? What will it obtain for you?

Perfection doesn’t exist. We live in an imperfect world. Just because you think you know what perfection looks like does not mean it exists.

I am a perfectionist. I beat myself up sometimes about “not doing it perfect”. It’s this voice in my head. Not a “I need medication due to the voices” kind of voice. It’s the negative voice that I’ve been learning many people have.

The voice that tells me I failed, that I can’t do something, that I didn’t do it right, that I could be better, that it’s not good enough, that people will hate what I do, that I can never succeed.

The bitter voice of perfection.

I’ve learning a good technique to deal with the VOP. Ask it why.

“You failed”


“Because I said so. You didn’t do it perfect. It could have been done so much better.”

“Why is that so important?”

“Um..well..because it is important to do your best!”

“But I did it to the best of my ability, isn’t that my best? Why isn’t that good enough?”

“Um…I..uh..because it’s not perfect.”

“But it got done, and after all, why is it so important? What exactly will perfection obtain for me?”


“I already have that!”


“That too.”


“Yeah, thats what I thought.”

I have this conversation with myself every time the VOP comes up. It always seems to go nowhere, which highlights just how pointless chasing perfection is. Perfection will not bring you happiness because it will always be impossible, and because the whole point of perfection is being PERFECT. So you will always “fail”.

Hard work is good. Doing your best is good. Just keep it reasonable, ya know?

It’s hard for me to publish this post, because it’s not “perfect”. But I’m posting it anyways, to prove a point to myself and anyone reading this.

Are you ignoring what you have succeeded at by focusing on what you didn’t do perfectly? So what do you think perfection will obtain for you? Are you avoiding something because you can’t do it perfectly?


How to guarantee you will get bad service over the phone

Here are a few tips on how to guarantee you will get bad service over the phone.

1. When you call, make sure you are doing something else at the same time and then ask the person you just called to hold on so you can finish whatever it is you were doing.
2. Be really vague on what it is you really want or what problem you are having. Get mad when the person’s psychic powers don’ t activate and figure it out so you don’t have to explain.
3.  Demand that someone needs to come out immediately, but that you don’t want to pay extra for it, and that the price is inflated to begin with.
4. Yell very loudly into the phone. Don’t listen to what the person on the end of the line is saying. Actually, pretend they aren’t a real person. That should make it easier to scream at them.  Fake people don’t deserve respect!
5. Whine about your problems which have nothing to do with the service you are requesting, and are often very disturbing . Like how “I have to go to the doctor and then the pharmacy but every time I go to the pharmacy I have to wait for so long JUST TO TALK TO SOMEONE because they are just so understaffed! And then there is the issue of my colonoscopy … have you had one? Well let me tell you something about colonoscopies. They aren’t a walk in the park nosireebob! You see…”
6. Use curse words. The more like a sailor, the better.
7. Insinuate the person you are talking to is stupid.  Or incompetent.  Or moronic. Or dumber than a box of rocks. Or whatever your choice insult may be.
8. Even though your wife makes all the decisions and knows what is going on with your schedule, make sure you call and then have her scream instructions in the background. Make sure she does this while the person on the line is asking questions so that you become confused and unable to answer either one. “FRANK I SAID FRIDAY! NOT THURSDAY! THURSDAY IS THE DAY I GO TO THE PHARMACY!”
9. Call 4 months after the service was performed and demand that someone come out free of charge. Make sure you mention that “well, actually it hasn’t worked since he was out here, but you know what? Life has been crazy lately! You try having your mother move in with you!” See how I worked a number 5 in there? Smooth.

Hope that helps you in your quest for bad service!

Customer Service Expert